Why is it people think I am 19 when they first meet me? Perhaps because I have maintained an enviably youthful complexion. Something tells me it is my vastly immature nature and gross naivete.
It's not so insulting as it is odd to me. I suppose I should take it as flatering that they think I am some kind of prodigy having worked as the Director of an art gallery in New York, completed 4 years of school, filled a 2 year mission to France, mastered singing, piano, tap and jazz, featured on 2 albums (my thanks to nolens volens) and starred in a Saudi Arabian television show. I mean please, I'm 25, by normal standards I am behind the curve.
Alas, such is my fate. I should apply to medical school where the local media will eat me up as the "youngest kid doctor in America." Then retire by 30 on the royalties from a great first person narrative television show based around my life. I'd make them change my name of course. To something like 'Douglas Howard, Kid M.D.' Then I'd exhume the body of Johnny Carson so I could appear on his show as I've always dreamed. Gosh, it's good to be young and care free.
Except I'm not. I turn 26 in March and am unmarried, ungraduated and unemployed (I DON'T cound hocking jewelry at JCPenny's "employment"). Those who don't think I am barely post-pubescent question my masculinityby attacking my interest in the arts - that and the way I prance around like a fairy. Leave to the bullies to kick you while you're down. What is left for me? Music? No. That is the domain of the truly depressed and f#cked up. Only with life then. Maybe I'll start passing myself off as 19, go on another mission and doing everything right that I messed up the first time around. I really will be a prodigy! This is it, I have found my ticket to success and ultimate Shangrai La. Hallelujah! I am born again!
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2 comments:
dont fret my dear collin, you see it doesnt really matter how old you look or how others perceive you. people dont matter that much. maybe it the nihlistic utahn coming out in me, but really i think the age of human relationships is over, replaced by ones and zeros. we have become shadows of our fore-fathers shadows, a generation in complete peril. even the "righteous" are nothing but carriers of the ideals of our parents while those who are "wicked" base their actions on rebellion to those same principles and standards. we really are the elite; the few who really see and feel what the world closes its eyes to. we are the few that care about where we are going and where we came from. we will be the saddest people on earth. but also those who understand what true happiness is.
I am awed. Thank you.
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