I'm growing

What I recognize about my great friend R. T. Barnhart is that he is keen on anticipating other's needs. He always makes himslef available to help - moving comes up a lot and Ellie was particularly cognizant of his aid on multiple occasions in the last few weeks - but also emotionally and spiritually. I notice too, that as much as giving up freedoms to move back home after living not just away at school but really on my own with a job, that I am very much a different person when I am back home - thinking about others first is no longer a consertated effort I must make but comes second nature as my motive to be truly helpful overcomes childish desires for attention and selfishness.

I have to look at where I am going to move come January, because it is becoming very clear to me that I cannot stay here longer - not taking up space in my parents condo and not in this part of the world where there is so little to offer in the line of peers, spirtuallity and personal growth. That is one of the greatest things I got out of New York, was who I was becoming. My weaknesses and strengths came into heavy relief and allowed me the opportunity to grow in ways I couldn't have otherwise. What I feel also as strongly that I received are the friends that I made and the people with whom I was blessed to create a bond.

Now What

I have made so many changes in my life and all for the good. After finishing the season at the gallery in New York, I decided that that was not the path I wanted to be on and in spite of dating a wonderful girl, Ellie (with whom I still talk on a daily basis), I needed to come HOME of all places to finish my GE's through independent study.

Now I am living in Florida with my parents, my grandmother and my sister who is also free-loading after a divorce and finishing her A.A. at BYU-i. In a funny twist of events, California was calling me when, during a work trip to LA, Hilary introduced me to an acquaintance and student who runs an international ancient-art gallery. He pretty much offered me the position of director there on the spot when we went in to meet with him but, like my NY job, it was not what I wanted to be doing. Sadly, it was then I realized that spending the next 8 months working to finish my degree in a comforting and affordable environment was what I needed to be doing.

And that brings me to here. I miss my girl in NY. I miss not being able to be out in LA with Hilary and my other friends there and I miss having the independence of full-time employment. Once, you have tasted the nectar of that world, it is hard to return to the dark underworld of undergraduate study. But, that puts me on the path to Grad school, with its enlightened minds and deeper course of study. It was pretty appalling frankly, that so many potential employers cared so little for the fact that I hadn't even finished my B.A.

I think that come summer, I will move back to NY where I will find some kind of job/internship to prepare for grad school a year from then - future entrance date 2008.